‘He can’t find anyone willing to hire him. My parents pay to support him’: Mid-30s brother moves back in with parents as they relocate 15-hours closer to their daughter pushing the young mother to keep her kids away and ban visits to their new home

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Jun 25, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Your parents moving fifteen hours just to be closer, only to haul along your grown, and, how shall I put it, somewhat problematic and extremely angry full-grown mid-30s brother, is quite a milestone. This is a man whose main hobbies are job loss, shouting matches, and refusing therapy. For this mother of young kids, the dream of grandparents nearby quickly curdled into a logistical nightmare, with her brother's temper and unpredictable outbursts looming over every potential visit. The family script is familiar: parents sacrifice and relocate, but can't seem to detach from the adult child who treats every minor disagreement as a personal affront. 


This brother's resume is a Best of reel of HR disasters and holiday catastrophes, making him a repeat offender on the "not around my kids" list. Yet somehow, the real family crime is daring to prioritize peace and safety over the sacred tradition of forced togetherness. The guilt trip arrives right on schedule, with her mother lamenting lost grandchild time and her brother firing off angry messages, as if wanting a calm environment is an act of war. 

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  • AITA for telling my parents that I will not visit their house while my brother lives with them even though they're moving to my town from out of state?

    "I told my mom that my kids and I will not visit their house while my brother lives there"
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  • My parents have recently decided to retire to the town where I live with my husband and young kids. It is about 15 hours away from where they currently live. My brother, who is in his mid 30s,
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  • Cheezburger Image 10520273664
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • had finally moved out of their house and into an apartment with some friends. However, I recently learned that he returned and will be moving here with my parents.
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  • Backstory: This brother has a long history of anger issues and last time he visited, he cursed me out, screamed, and got in my face (right in front of my toddler), because I corrected him on something incredibly minor. He
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  • was told to leave my apartment and I haven't seen him since. He cannot hold a job due to arguing with bosses when he disagrees with them and now cannot find anyone willing to hire him. My parents pay to support him.
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • So when this daughter calmly sets her terms, namely, no visits to the new house while her brother is in residence, it is not about punishment or drama. It is about protecting her children, maintaining her sanity, and refusing to let family ties become a free pass for bad behavior. The moving boxes may be full of hopes and memories, but she is keeping her boundaries unpacked and ready for use.

  • I told my mom that my kids and I will not visit their house while my brother lives there. I am not comfortable being around him
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  • never knowing what will set off his temper. My brother then messaged me cursing me out for upsetting my mom. My mom
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  • basically agreed with him and said I was punishing her and withholding her grandchildren. I stated that both my parents are
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  • welcome to visit my house or play with the kids at parks, take them out, whatever, as long as my brother is not present.
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  • AITA for holding this boundary?
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  • Edited to add: they have no history with this town,they are moving here solely to be near my family. My brother was diagnosed
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  • with oppositional defiant disorder as a kid, but will not go to therapy. I'm not sure how to handle the fact that they're going
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  • to expect us to help them move in, which we absolutely would have done if my brother wasn't moving with them. And we are
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  • currently looking houses for them with a realtor here, and of course my kids are talking about where they will play and excited about
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  • my parents dogs...and I'll have to somehow explain to them that we won't be visiting there. Ugh this
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  • just feels like such a disaster waiting to happen, and I had been so excited for them to move here.
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  • RedditHaver2 Definitely NTA. You're being very reasonable and more than fair.
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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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